Celebs

She always keeps a list of all the guys she kissed. It's a celeb.

Appearance
Not necessarily hot, but the best celebs truly are. I'd still fuck the ugly ones though, because they're celebs. Ultimately even the ugly ones are fairly attractive if you saw them on the club, but not by celeb standards. They wear sunglasses out in public to prevent people from recognizing them as celebs, but because celebs are the only ones who do that, then beautiful glasses girls must be celebs. Luckily there is another function to the sunglasses: eye protection. These prescription sunglasses prevent enemy fans from harming their precious eyes. Another added benefit to the glasses is if you don't want people to know what you're feeling if you have social anxiety disorder, like how I used to wear jackets all the time in my early tween years, also to hide my erections I thought everyone would notice. Really though when it comes to pretween erections they are NOT ok...... I should have been born a girl so all I would have to hide is my wet sclit and my amorphous breasts.

Personality & Behaviour
They act, they model, they put out sextapes and they monetize them. They sing, they dance, they entertain us all with their yucky antics. You can even hear rumors about them if you want. Some are more specialized. Tom Cruise cruises, Penelope Cruz cruzes... No more. But let's try a switcharoo: who isn't a celeb? Jeremy isn't a celeb, nor is R. or my cousin Stuart. But if you think about it, Jeremy Irons, R. Kelly, and French Stewart!!!

If 1 person knows you, you're obscure. If 99999 people know you, you're a celeb. That's celebs. Basically the key to becoming one is introducing yourself. Just be friendly, open and receptive to new ideas. Don't be forgettable and always be sure to star in TV pilots. If you see a history textbook, scrawl your name on every page. There are tons of names in history textbooks that little scrawny 5th graders have to memorize so it may as well be your names. Don't forget mathbooks -- numbers are names, too! That's an equation for success. Next step is always be a good boy -- then you will be a celeb. Don't abuse your newfound power. Power= responsibility= Spiderman; so be sure to be cast as Tobey Maguire.

Oh, we forget to mention, change your names to Tobey Macquire.

Review
Celebs are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesnt these days? Celebs are the complete package, kim, khloe, and kourtney, and Lamar Odom, Peace.

SCORE
√/17

Barbie

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Special guest post by Laura Petersen, whom you can find on FB.

Appearance
The first thing everybody notices about Barbie, of course, is her body type: she’s a perfect ten inches tall. That’s a lot smaller than most of your friends! She wears high heels though, so nobody ever notices. Sometimes, she’s decapitated Barbie. This means your brother was in your room, and he also probably read your diary. Mom!! Barbie ALWAYS has a smile on her face, even body-less, J. It’s hard to pick Barbie out of a crowd though because she has so many disguises. Ball gowns, Pocahontas costumes, etc. She’s like Where’s Waldo, especially when in Waldo disguise.

Personality & Behaviour
Barbie’s a great role model – she’s a doctor AND a cheerleader. She didn’t even need to go to medical school, that’s just for non-toys. You can also buy Barbie’s boyfriend, Klaus. He’s almost as famous as she is, for his sculpted hair and significant role in the Nazi regime. Barbie has terrible taste in men. Her
friends Skipper and Black Barbie always tell her that. Barbie always wants everyone else to brush her hair and take off her clothes for her (Aqua, 1997). Watch out if she’s your Barbie because it means you’ll be taking care of this shit for life. She doesn’t know how to do it herself because she doesn’t have parents. But come on, she’s also obviously lazy.

Review
Barbie is actually a pretty great girl, she has some personality issues but who doesn’t these days? Barbie is the complete package, plastic, fantastic, (another thing that rhymes with "astic"), Peace.

SCORE
34/24/34