Giles

Giles in the process of crucifying a vamp

Appearance
Rubert Giles is a man who looks like a serious man, and he has glasses for checking. One thing I can say about Giles is his jaw is strong, but when does that ever come into play? I can think of only one explanation... jawbreakers!! Giles's jaw has never been broken by ANY professional jawbreaker. Giles is portrayed on tv by Anthony stewart Head, who looks completely identical to Giles. Head's Giles is more of a classical Giles, which is different from the very Radical Giles I envision in my own head. In my world, Giles is more of a slime, maybe two steps removed from a biojelly. But that's just my opinion, and, as Giles would be the first to point out, everyone is welcome to his own opinion.

Personality & Behaviour
Krupert Giles is a man in the tv Buffy the Vampire Slayer for killing vamps. He does it with guns, swords, and weapons. The weapons he favors are Knives, and machetes. He'll make the vampires dead by spearing them, usually with various poisons he employs in vamps' drinks. For example: Pepsi, diet pepsi, cola, gatorade (orange), creme de menthe, and deadly poison. Even though Giles nowadays might seem like a stodgy old man, he was actually quite the stodgy young boy earlier, before all this. Giles wishes he could wash his hands. But blood is permanent on hands, especially the hands of a true buffy like Giles. Go with the flow Giles said inwardly to himself. Dapper, he replied, cheerio good mate.

Review
Giles is actually a pretty great buffy, he has some personality issues but who doesnt these days? Giles is the complete package, scooby, dooby, and doo, Peace.

SCORE
16/17

My Writing Partner

Which is which??

Appearance
My writing partner looks like a big nance. NO one can stand his stupid face, and his curly pube hairs. GETTING TOO REAL??? Well let me tell you that I don't have any pubes on my head, just like you don't have any brains in that head of yours! All you got is fluff stuff!  Just like the Pooh Bear. MY writing partner doesnt even have hands, the stupid cunt. How can you grab? No grab. Well, let me tell you about MY writing partner- how can he tell I am handsless with eyeslessness? Haha, um... You think you got me with that one?? Eyelessness? That's arguably false. No!Yes!NoYES! :( :) >:)

Personality & Behaviour
My writing partner is uncouth and also a dyke. The behavior of MY writing partner mimics that of a complete dyke. I can't even believe I have to work with this faggot, let alone come to terms with my lesbianism. OK so you think you can get the audience on your side just by putting in a bunch of SAT words? I didn't even study!! and I got an A+. You failed, rememeber?? No, I DON'T. Those times were a blur for me. I was too busy. OK. OK. I get it. You hate me. But remember when we made that pact to always be friends??? Some friend.

Alright, you're right. We're gonna have to make it up to each other somehow..

Review
My writing partner is actually a pretty great writing partner, he has some personality issues but who doesnt these days? My writing partner is the complete package, edgar, allan, and poe, Peace.

SCORE
Who can put a price on friendship? 11/17

Nico

Spooky? Sexy? Which one do you choose???

What do you think of Nico?

special guest post by Ariel Gardner, co-host of Ben & Ariel Live From College

Appearance
Dead but, blonde hair, blue eyes, tall and pretty in a scary and masculine kind of way, which you're kind of into. You may recognize Nico from her appearances in biographies of culturally significant people. If you were an iconic artist in the late 60's, you probably had sex with Nico in passing.

Personality & Behaviour
Nico has a tendency to linger, but she'll score you some big points in the art scene, I think. She is at the same time awe-inspiring and pathetic. But she'll be your mirror, reflect what you are.

Review
Nico is actually a pretty great accoutrement. She has some personality issues, but who doesn't these days? Nico is the complete package, pomp, romp and circumstance, Peace.

SCORE
12/17

Wisecracking Best Friend

Steve Zahn in Saving Silverman (2001)

special guest post by Ben BenAry, co-host of Ben & Ariel Live From College 


Appearance
The dimensions of the Wisecracking Best Friend depend on that of his protagonist counterpart.  Whereas the protagonist is classically good looking, his clever cohort may be of the short and rotund variety.  Likewise the Wisecracking Best Friend may be tall and gangly if that contrasts better with his romantically entangled companion.  In the rare instance when the protagonist is a white male, this opens the door for a black or Jewish Wisecracking Best Friend.  The Wisecracking Best Friend does not care too much about his appearance, as he has always had his hilarious wisecracks to fall back on.

Personality & Behavior
The Wisecracking Best Friend is a sounding board for our more handsome, but less comically gifted protagonist.  He can dole out advice, but his specialty is zingers.  They may be at the protagonist's expense, but they may also be at his own.  If it weren't for the protagonist, the Wisecracking Best Friend wouldn't have any friends, and thus no one to enjoy to enjoy his antics.  The Wisecracking Best Friend usually has an ex-girlfriend on whom he is still fixated, but she has long since moved on.  She's with some bland jerk now, who couldn't hold a candle to the Oscar Wilde-esque wit of the Wisecracking Best Friend.  She'll see.

Review
The Wisecracking Best Friend is actually a pretty great guy.  He has some personality issues, but as he might quip, "What else is new?"  The Wisecracking Best Friend is the whole package, Groucho, Chico, and Harpo (but not Zeppo, he was the straight man).  Peace.


SCORE
19/17