Ghosts

A spooky ghost

Guest post by Angela Chen, my boo and photographer. 

Appearance
The main thing that you'll notice about a ghost is its ghostly skin. They look like everyday people who have transformed into spectres/ghosts. There's a major spookfactor to their pale, ghostly skin, which is see-through. If you want to know what your friend would look like as a ghost, import your favorite picture of him/her into Photoshop--then lower the opacity! I hope this exercise will make you think twice about killing your friend. Casper is a boy ghost with a round head and a tail. The ghost tail is a ghost's signature look, made popular by the "Genie Tip."

Personality & Behaviour
There are four main categories of ghosts: sensitive boy ghosts; vicious girl ghosts with wet hair; murderous ghosts; and Pokemon ghost-types. Ghosts exhibit behaviors that can be observed in normal, live people, such as sobbing, wailing, pulling pranks, haunting/stalking others, floating/drifting, and holding grudges. However, ghosts are usually considered outcasts because of their singular obsession: white sheets with two holes. Ghosts find these irresistible and cannot stop themselves from putting one on. If you see a ghost--STAY AWAY!!! The ghost will probably float through you, leaving you covered in a sheet on Halloween. Boy, will you look lame.

Review
Ghosts are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Ghosts are the complete package, Gastly, Haunter, and Gengar, Peace.

SCORE

800!/17

Cyborgs

Matrix Cyborg Neo leers at the camera,
as he is wont to do in a situation as dire as this

Guest post by Tack Haberdash, of MYTHS RETOLD.

Appearance
Cyborgs are just regular guys with regular lasers attached to their faces. They are just like you and me, if you and me were a cyborg! But we’re not. OR ARE WE? Cyborgs are sometimes hard to spot when they are not shooting their face lasers at everyone. Here are some handy ways to tell if you friend is a Cyborg: he is really good at math, he makes robot noises when he walks around or bends over, he is shooting you with a laser that is inside his face and also he has chainsaw hands. One famous cyborg is Robocop. Another is Donatello from the ninja turtles (cyborg version.) Cyborgs come in all shapes and sizes, but mostly Robocops.

Personality and Behavior
Cyborgs are robots that decided to be human because they got sick of the three laws of robotics. Number one: A robot that tells on another robot is a dead robot. Rule two: Do unto others as you would have them do unto robots. Three: Thou shalt not robots. Wow! Pretty heavy stuff! Robots are heavy, but Cyborgs are less heavy than robots unless the robots are Cylons. No matter how bad it gets, Cyborgs never cry because it is dangerous to cry when your eyes are lasers. Cyborgs would like to have feelings but they can’t because science.

Review
Cyborgs is actually a pretty great guy, he has some personality issues but who doesnt these days? Cyborgs is the complete package, Domo, Arigato, Mr. Roboto, Peace.

SCORE
0101010110111/17

Sasha Grey

I like this

Guest post by Christopher Kocurek, of Home Made Journalism.

Appearance
Sasha Grey appears with dicks. Sometimes dicks are in her butt, vagina, mouth, and hands. She frequently appears to be coated in gooeys that look like wet snot boogers. Sasha Grey is especially famous for appearing with multiple guys (porn-industry term for “men”) at once. You can find Sasha Grey lurking in the internet porn and in the confessions of teenage Catholic boys. Sometimes, Sasha Grey dresses up like things she is not: a nurse, a biscuit, a sailor. This is counter-productive because ultimately her appearance is birthday suit. Only Sasha Grey was born wearing fish-net stockings and six-inch heels. No other baby ever even came close to getting born like that.

Personality & Behaviour
Sasha’s personality is loose. She can’t really get a good grip on anything inside herself anymore. Sasha Grey frequently wonders who she really is. Nurse? Biscuit? Sailor? Sasha Grey frequently behaves in ways that other women would say is “bad” or “grody” or "thats what I like." Sasha behaves like a child of divorce. Because of this, Sasha Grey enjoys Group Activities with lots of guys so that she feels comfortable and safe. This is because when her parents got divorced, she was saved by a group of gangbangers. Also, she likes to get choked. Some psychologists say that Sasha Grey’s behavior is a mirror of famous porn stars like: bigboobs49, wetwat64, nintendo64, and Jenna Jameson.

Review
Sasha Grey is actually a pretty great girl, she has some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Sasha Grey is the complete package, gangbang, creampie, and biscuit. Peace.

SCORE
6/9

Stepdads

"Tie your shoes, son," he said.

Guest post by Annie Caldwell, check out her web-site!

Appearance
Stepdads are exactly everything your mom is looking for in a new daddy for you. They are usually very hairy, they wear old dress pants and have all different kinds of stains everywhere on their clothes! A stepdad's hair is hard-looking, and they smell like the drugstore. They always drive a very old car, but hey, it works and is a little safer than his motorcycle. The stepdad may be named Hank or Steve or Mike but his name is usually Dave. A stepdad's mustache tickles your mom's face, same way your dad's did.

Personality & Behaviour
The reason a stepdad is called a stepdad is the following: STEP because they are the step in between your real daddy and having a great time hanging out with your mom. DAD because they are Doing Awesome Deeds. Stepdads will often call your mother "baby" and "honey" because they love her very much! Stepdads played pigskins when they were in High School, and they are very proud of having scored the basketball game point.

Review
Stepdads are actually pretty great guys, They have some personality issues, but who doesnt these days? Stepdads are the complete package, I, love, and you, Peace.

SCORE
17/17

Barbie

Which is your favorite? Go to PeopleBlogBarbieGuestPost.com,
sign up for a COMPLETELY FREE newsletter and cast
your vote to see if you have the correct favorite 

Special guest post by Laura Petersen, whom you can find on FB.

Appearance
The first thing everybody notices about Barbie, of course, is her body type: she’s a perfect ten inches tall. That’s a lot smaller than most of your friends! She wears high heels though, so nobody ever notices. Sometimes, she’s decapitated Barbie. This means your brother was in your room, and he also probably read your diary. Mom!! Barbie ALWAYS has a smile on her face, even body-less, J. It’s hard to pick Barbie out of a crowd though because she has so many disguises. Ball gowns, Pocahontas costumes, etc. She’s like Where’s Waldo, especially when in Waldo disguise.

Personality & Behaviour
Barbie’s a great role model – she’s a doctor AND a cheerleader. She didn’t even need to go to medical school, that’s just for non-toys. You can also buy Barbie’s boyfriend, Klaus. He’s almost as famous as she is, for his sculpted hair and significant role in the Nazi regime. Barbie has terrible taste in men. Her
friends Skipper and Black Barbie always tell her that. Barbie always wants everyone else to brush her hair and take off her clothes for her (Aqua, 1997). Watch out if she’s your Barbie because it means you’ll be taking care of this shit for life. She doesn’t know how to do it herself because she doesn’t have parents. But come on, she’s also obviously lazy.

Review
Barbie is actually a pretty great girl, she has some personality issues but who doesn’t these days? Barbie is the complete package, plastic, fantastic, (another thing that rhymes with "astic"), Peace.

SCORE
34/24/34

Little Leaguers

Here, batter, batter!

Special guest post by Vincent Johnson, of syncopatedimpressions.tumblr.com

Appearance
They are in the pizza parlor celebrating their victories. They have nicknames like Slugger, Lefty, Pee Wee, and John Wayne. They wear matching outfits so you know they are all about teamwork. They wear baseball caps because they play baseball. They are little leaguers.

Some people think that they are vampires because they have bats. This is just a common misconception. Another common misconception is softball, lol. It isn’t soft!

If you want to meet little leaguers, you need a minivan with a DVD player and DVDs, of course. Even if you only have seats for seven, you can probably fit a lot more. They are little, after all!

Personality & Behaviour
Little leaguers are ready to take one for the team. And by one, I mean a juice box. That’s why they ALWAYS have coolers. People really don’t drink juice boxes these days, but might makes right. And little leaguers are mighty. Another thing about little leaguers is they know it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, because everyone’s a champ! Sometimes, they have parades.

Review
Little leaguers are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn’t these days? Little leaguers are the complete package, strike one, strike two, and strike three you’re out, Peace!

SCORE
9/17

A Very Special Announcement

Congratulations!
Guest Year begins now!

-People Blog

Apologies

A man holding a coconut

Appearance
I'm sorry for everything, Alex, Ariel, my brother (but not mine) Jacob, Kostya, Ben, Peter, and Tack Haberdash. We have failed you all, here at PeopleCorp Headquarters. We lied to you. We lied as much as a man can lie, to his friend. This was supposed to be your great day, your time to shine. Unfortunately Staff meddled with your glory and now you have jack squat- a metric fuckton of zilch, a batshit crazy amount of "silch." I remember when I was like you, publishing guest posts on People Blogs. I wanted it all and I got it all and I still get it whenever I want. But I got too big for my britches and now each of my britches is soiled/ripped to shards. It's time to confess.

Personality & Behaviour
When you sent me that guest post the other day, I gave it one look and then I fed it to my partner. He fed on it for weeks, digested and shit out a new post. Maybe this is why you find People Blog so "corny!!" and so "ugly!!" not to mention straight up malicious. What I'm trying to say is that People Staff edited your posts w/out consulting you, the mastermind, and obtaining your express permission in writing. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm SO SORRY. Tomorrow I'll make it up to you, by starting afresh with a whole 'nother band of guests. We'll leave their shitty posts intact for the world to see on Google Chrome. Netscape users can join in on the fun as well, just hop in the time machine to 2008, jesus.

Anyways...

Review
Rip Steve Jobs NOW, or I'll do it.

SCORE
GUEST WEEK STARTING OCOTBER 99!

Robbers

Please help me against this robber

Appearance
Masked with a black mask and a striped shirt like your favorite type of xebra. The masque was originally developed by its creators to deal with skiing, but luckily for robbers the conditions in a robbable house are very similar, ie slopes, and there's also plenty of snow to steal for profit in there. Don't expect to actually see the robber though. They employ a special sort of "C.A.M.O" to cloak themselves to get your favorite jewels, gems and prizes. The "C.A.M.O" is that they slink across the floor like a sick snake slithering for your sums. Quick Tip: to prevent their "camouflage" from working, install snake charmers throughout the zone. Their weird alibaba shit instantly knocks them out and puts them right where they belong - behind bars. Robbers love to go to bars, where every drink is at their disposal, like Rum or even contemporary Buds and Pilsner Lights. Robbers look ugly under their masks but don't try to take it off because it hurts them and you'll need to apply your best salve to their tender spots. These topical ointments are generally sold in tubes but they should probably be called Oinkments because there's a pig there. Show a little love for these robbers... not everyone was prom king and queen in high school and so some people have to rob, so just fork it over already, and maybe when you pass a homeless man on the street, consider his feelings as you walk by, lying to him about whether you have change or even a dollar and then spitting on his dead body, already half buried in four days' worth of sleet, blood caked all over his reeking clothes and putrid privates (yuck); a yucky overflowing traschcan casts its sinister shadow over this corpse, preventing you from realizing that he is in fact covered in the footprints of us apathetic cityfolk. Be that as it may, a little white mouse nestles in his cool beard and the circle of life starts again.

Personality & Behaviour
Robsters, not lobsters, not snobsters, especially not jobsters, but probably snobsters in their own way, probsters. Syntax Error 9499. Ok, reconfigured our server netscapes. Let's get back to the post. Ugh, but I lost my place. Hold on, let me reread all this first. Ok, ready to write! Let's go! I once shoplifted from American Apparel. Plus I shoplifted a scent spray for my girl and I think that I know why robbers always look so pleased. Being able to satisfy your wife with gifts causes her to emit high-pitched sonic frequencies that look effing fantastic and, like an Opera singer addressing a wine glass, shatter your cock to the next level of pleasure. Now THAT'S a rob well done.

Review
Robbers are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Robbers are the complete package, Bernie Madoff, hamburglar, and Catch Me If You Can by Leonardo d'Caprio, Peace.

SCORE
17/17... Wait, weren't they originally allotted 15 pts.? Where did those 2 extra pts. come from? Oh man, we better check all of our posts. ah fuck, i can't believe they've done this