Barbie

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Special guest post by Laura Petersen, whom you can find on FB.

Appearance
The first thing everybody notices about Barbie, of course, is her body type: she’s a perfect ten inches tall. That’s a lot smaller than most of your friends! She wears high heels though, so nobody ever notices. Sometimes, she’s decapitated Barbie. This means your brother was in your room, and he also probably read your diary. Mom!! Barbie ALWAYS has a smile on her face, even body-less, J. It’s hard to pick Barbie out of a crowd though because she has so many disguises. Ball gowns, Pocahontas costumes, etc. She’s like Where’s Waldo, especially when in Waldo disguise.

Personality & Behaviour
Barbie’s a great role model – she’s a doctor AND a cheerleader. She didn’t even need to go to medical school, that’s just for non-toys. You can also buy Barbie’s boyfriend, Klaus. He’s almost as famous as she is, for his sculpted hair and significant role in the Nazi regime. Barbie has terrible taste in men. Her
friends Skipper and Black Barbie always tell her that. Barbie always wants everyone else to brush her hair and take off her clothes for her (Aqua, 1997). Watch out if she’s your Barbie because it means you’ll be taking care of this shit for life. She doesn’t know how to do it herself because she doesn’t have parents. But come on, she’s also obviously lazy.

Review
Barbie is actually a pretty great girl, she has some personality issues but who doesn’t these days? Barbie is the complete package, plastic, fantastic, (another thing that rhymes with "astic"), Peace.

SCORE
34/24/34