Thursday, October 13, 2011


A man holding a coconut
I'm sorry for everything, Alex, Ariel, my brother (but not mine) Jacob, Kostya, Ben, Peter, and Tack Haberdash. We have failed you all, here at PeopleCorp Headquarters. We lied to you. We lied as much as a man can lie, to his friend. This was supposed to be your great day, your time to shine. Unfortunately Staff meddled with your glory and now you have jack squat- a metric fuckton of zilch, a batshit crazy amount of "silch." I remember when I was like you, publishing guest posts on People Blogs. I wanted it all and I got it all and I still get it whenever I want. But I got too big for my britches and now each of my britches is soiled/ripped to shards. It's time to confess.

Personality & Behaviour
When you sent me that guest post the other day, I gave it one look and then I fed it to my partner. He fed on it for weeks, digested and shit out a new post. Maybe this is why you find People Blog so "corny!!" and so "ugly!!" not to mention straight up malicious. What I'm trying to say is that People Staff edited your posts w/out consulting you, the mastermind, and obtaining your express permission in writing. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm SO SORRY. Tomorrow I'll make it up to you, by starting afresh with a whole 'nother band of guests. We'll leave their shitty posts intact for the world to see on Google Chrome. Netscape users can join in on the fun as well, just hop in the time machine to 2008, jesus.


Rip Steve Jobs NOW, or I'll do it.


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