Late Bloomers

Shorty wannta hump? ;)

Appearance
They bloomed really tall in comparison to last year when they were small. Now that's tall. I remember when they had only patches of hair on their head, not a full bush like today. Those were the days. I remember them like those days were the yesterdays. Those days lasted a really long time- naturally. These are Late Bloomers! It used to be that they weren't bloomed, and then later they got bloomed up, so.. Here's one interpretation of Late Bloomers: a girl with no panties all day; towards evening, she puts 'em on. That's hot. Another variety of late bloomer is a gawky tallboy who squawks for talk. He hasn't come in to his own. Later, he will be a handsome stud, but, for now, he is nothing but a hideous, pimply stud- simply crud. That ain't hot. Why do I feel the way I do about these two kinds of late bloomers? That's just the way I bloomed. The last Late Blumer is someone who has yet to read the seminal works of the late ceas'd and desis'd Judy Blume such as Superfudge and Are You There God, It's Me Margaret, about a young girl who's a late bloomer in more ways than one ;). Plus she's a Blumer (by nature). Plus the front cover of the book is a picture of her panties.

Personality & Behaviour
I find it very difficult to talk about bras around my friends. Other boys my age discuss bras with abandon, but I'm still very small and unripe - I haven't bloomt! :/ All the other boys on the schoolyard get hard talking about their favorite abandoned bras, but I definitely do not. I don't know what this talk about A cups, B cups, Cups, and Dups is all about. The only sort of cup I use is a drinking glass that I use to protect my weenie at sports. I hope someday I get big and get to wrap lots of multicoloured bras around my ween. The other thing I would like to try is a vodka tonic. That'll be the day... *sigh* prolly later.

Review
Late Bloomers are actually pretty great bloomers, they have some personality issues, but who doesn't these days? Late Bloomers are the complete package, "Better Late Than Nevah," "It Is Never Too Late To Have Been Who You Might Be", "The tax on capital gains directly affects investment decisions, the mobility and flow of risk capital... the ease or difficulty experienced by new ventures in obtaining capital, and thereby the strength and potential for growth in the economy.Read more: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/growth.html#ixzz1pdLfoGG2" , Peace.

SCORE

L8/17

The Character From All Those Late 80s, Early 90s GoGurt Commercials

A late 80s, early 90s youth - the target demo
for that creative original character

Appearance
You remember what that pesky GoGurt mascot always wanted: more GoGurt. He would always look so hungry in those ads. Think back to like watching your favorite program when you were a kid. Don't you always associate this mascot with that time period and those favorite characters of yours? Yes, I get so nostalgic every time my brain hearkens back to those innocent days. When I see kids THESE days eating GoGurt, I think, "Man, these kids will never know what GoGurt is really all about, the spirit of these ads is all wrong, I prefer the old ads." The new ads are just about mindcontrolling everyone to buy GoGurt. The old ads, however, were all about presenting a really likable character who just seemed so upbeat and encouraging all the time, with regard to GoGurt exclusively. Do you want to know what he really looks like... ?

Personality & Behaviour
The ol' commercials always started like this: the GoGurt character would always be prowling about, hungry for some GoGurt. Then you'd see some spoiled kids nearby unjustifiably eating GoGurt. The GoGurt mascot would then become justifiably jealous, and would fly up to a high perch from which to observe the kids' slurps. When the kids were just about to finish, invariably the GoGurt mascot would croak left, croak right, and finally to the side. Understandably (justifiably) scared, the children would abandon their nearly finished GoGurts, exiting the forest to return to their towns. The Character would slither toward the abandoned 'Gurt and, well, feed. *Shudder* After that, he'd burrow deep down into the ground, creating an elaborate maze-like tunnel the walls of which he coated in 'Gurt to provide greater slip'n'slide' effect. The camera would look down into the hole, and there he'd be at the bottom, looking up toward the sky, raising his claws to the sky and saying, "I Love GoGurt." Then words would come up on the screen, giving you the following information: "Squeeze and Slurp, Grab and Glurp." And then you'd really know.

Review
The Character From All Those Late 80s, Early 90s GoGurt Commercials is actually a pretty great guy, he has some personality issues, but who doesn't these days? The Character From All Those Late 80s, Early 90s GoGurt Commercials is the complete package, Strawberry, Berry Blue Blast, and Strawberry Splash, Peace.

SCORE

15/17

Businessmen

One thing and one thing only.

Appearance
Harepeace, pinstriped powersuit, strongjaw, hanky, heavy keys, and a look of desperate, focused thirst. Businssmen are thirsty for one thing and one thing only. Anyways.. Every action they take, every thought they have is like a chess move in a game of Chess -- all potential repercussions exactly calculated in advance on their trusty calculators. One thing they have difficulty typing into their calculators is the equation to love. This is because their fingers are very thick and blunt, and the buttons that represent love are very tiny. However, women care about one thing and one thing only. Anyways..

Personality & Behaviour
It's time to get down to brass tax with this description of BusinesSmen. It's time to get down to business. But first, let's do lunch. When's good for you? I have a 1 o'clock so that's not good for me. I also have a 1 o'clock, so let's be friend! :) That's how business is done in the cutthroat business climate of an office building. You gotta network to stay afloat in this sea of suits.

Here's a good way of remembering what a businessmin is. Like a bee in a hive, a businessman works for a business queen named Boss, and just like a bee in a hive, he feeds his queen honey. Money rhymes with honey, ain't that funny? Bees work for a Queen; bsnsmen work for a boss who's Mean. Bees have stingers, bisinezzmen have fingers. Do you see the metapHornet? Beets me. Bees are yellow, businessmn aren't mellow. Bees have honeycombs, businessmen have haircombs that are covered in honey only by coincidence. Just use this technique whenever you need to remember what a businessman is.

Two more things: they have meetings. They have cubicles.

Review
Businessmen are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues, but who doesn't these days? Businessmen are the complete package, The Office, Extras, and Life's Too Short, Peace.

SCORE

MillionBux/17

The Very Elderly

A very elderly person (pictured left) sucking the life force
from a young person's hand (pictured right)

Appearance
Lined and creased like a crumpled up striped shirt, the very elderly contain so many wrinkles that you might even consider reading the book The Wrinkle In Time. Charles Wallace, the precocious boy in the book, can be considered the opposite of very elderly. He is young and sleek, with a fresh, supple body and sharp mind. The very elderly are the opposite, and that's why, to lend focus to our post, we've taken the liberty of crossing out all references to the young sleek Charles Wallace. A vivacious young redhead with flowing locks... cut to 100 years later, knix the lox, that shit's gone grayscale, bald to boot. The very elderly are shriveled in every sense of the word. Shriveled balls, shriveled pussies, and other relevant human parts can be found anywhere on a very elderly specimen. However, sometimes the very elderly opt out of the human race entirely, by replacing their feeble human body parts with cybernetic hipbones. This is why you sometimes walk down the street and see geezers walking around with a profusion of hipbones emanating from what used to be their skullbones or chestual zones. This android issue lends doubt to the common belief that the very elderly might one day "die," for what is death but the decaying of flesh? And where flesh there is none, death can have no fun. Usually, at night, these android very elderly gentlemen and gentlewomen dream of electric sheep. These are known as "nightmares;" no one can stand to see their favorite animal zapped to dust by a lightning streak!!!! Fortunately, special medications are available that bring death to anguished androids. It's called gross negligence. Ew sick!

Personality & Behaviour
The very elderly's very favorite activity is to have gone to war in the past, usually World War 1 or some other epic. They will recount to you the time that they "literally shot a German man" and "watched as he hopped around, holding his foot and shouting "ouch!"" The very olderly love to just lean back and retire. Everything they do, their favorite part is just giving up and retiring. Once he has retired, he's free to live the lounge lizard leisure life. Warm milk err'day and err'night, with warmed, curdled milk for lunch, and grapefruit. I know this could be considered Appearance, but they keep their teeth in water, and they lose them, which will result in a lot of hollering but the best oral sex available. However, there is none available for miles. 78% of the very elderly share a very specific hobby, which is obtaining and collecting tumors, cancers, and other growths until the collection is complete and they can finally rest. The rest of them love heart attacks and accidental deaths. Kaplow! That's a wrap!

Review
The Very Elderly are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues, but who doesn't these days? The Very Elderly are the complete package, The Mummy Returns 1, The Mummy Returns 2, The Return of the Mummy 3, Peace.

SCORE

160/170