Monday, March 5, 2012

The Very Elderly

A very elderly person (pictured left) sucking the life force
from a young person's hand (pictured right)
Lined and creased like a crumpled up striped shirt, the very elderly contain so many wrinkles that you might even consider reading the book The Wrinkle In Time. Charles Wallace, the precocious boy in the book, can be considered the opposite of very elderly. He is young and sleek, with a fresh, supple body and sharp mind. The very elderly are the opposite, and that's why, to lend focus to our post, we've taken the liberty of crossing out all references to the young sleek Charles Wallace. A vivacious young redhead with flowing locks... cut to 100 years later, knix the lox, that shit's gone grayscale, bald to boot. The very elderly are shriveled in every sense of the word. Shriveled balls, shriveled pussies, and other relevant human parts can be found anywhere on a very elderly specimen. However, sometimes the very elderly opt out of the human race entirely, by replacing their feeble human body parts with cybernetic hipbones. This is why you sometimes walk down the street and see geezers walking around with a profusion of hipbones emanating from what used to be their skullbones or chestual zones. This android issue lends doubt to the common belief that the very elderly might one day "die," for what is death but the decaying of flesh? And where flesh there is none, death can have no fun. Usually, at night, these android very elderly gentlemen and gentlewomen dream of electric sheep. These are known as "nightmares;" no one can stand to see their favorite animal zapped to dust by a lightning streak!!!! Fortunately, special medications are available that bring death to anguished androids. It's called gross negligence. Ew sick!

Personality & Behaviour
The very elderly's very favorite activity is to have gone to war in the past, usually World War 1 or some other epic. They will recount to you the time that they "literally shot a German man" and "watched as he hopped around, holding his foot and shouting "ouch!"" The very olderly love to just lean back and retire. Everything they do, their favorite part is just giving up and retiring. Once he has retired, he's free to live the lounge lizard leisure life. Warm milk err'day and err'night, with warmed, curdled milk for lunch, and grapefruit. I know this could be considered Appearance, but they keep their teeth in water, and they lose them, which will result in a lot of hollering but the best oral sex available. However, there is none available for miles. 78% of the very elderly share a very specific hobby, which is obtaining and collecting tumors, cancers, and other growths until the collection is complete and they can finally rest. The rest of them love heart attacks and accidental deaths. Kaplow! That's a wrap!

The Very Elderly are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues, but who doesn't these days? The Very Elderly are the complete package, The Mummy Returns 1, The Mummy Returns 2, The Return of the Mummy 3, Peace.



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