Friday, January 20, 2012


Guest post by boo Angela Chen.

Click the "He Is Scared" coloring page
to view printable version.  
A wimp's appearance is sure to disappoint. Pale and self-effacing, a wimp's appearance does NOT inspire confidence. Imagine your wimp huddled in an anxious corner. You wish your wimp would stand up straighter, get a haircut, listen to hip hop, make a fist, stick up for himself. But your wimp will probably not do any of these things. Your wimp will most likely stay in bed for stretches at a time--sometimes days on end--watching "Cartoons" (porno, you're thinking). As a result, your wimp has limp clothing hidden by ugly knit sweaters, a wet look, a clammy face. You don't want to look at your wimp due to a strong mixture of disgust and pity. LUCKILY, wimps are a lot like ghosts in that they are mostly invisible.

Personality & Behaviour
Sometimes you think a wimp's personality is there only to strengthen your own resolve. I hope I never become like this pathetic little shit, you think to yourself as your wimp hides from the world. I don't go out because I'm lazy, explains your wimp. Hearing this makes you sick. You feel an urge to pump some iron at the gym. A wimp never pumps iron at the gym. The only thing a wimp pumps is his skinny dick, alone in bed at 3:23 am. Here's a list of what womps do: cower, quail, recoil, shrink, squinch, quiver, tremble. Standing next to your wimp, you feel simultaneously bigger and smaller. You look good, and you're going to run on the treadmill later for at least an hour while sweating unselfconsciously/ unconsciously. But why am I standing next to this wimp? Am I really so much better than he??!?!?!??! I really need to sit in my car and listen to Kanye West. 

A wimp is afraid of his thoughts, his illnesses, his food, preservatives, bees, automobiles, drugs, his own mother. A wimp cannot live in these modern times. He feels alienated, cowardly, alone, and scared. A wimp is a sad person, probably in need of antidepressants or a friend, ultimately, and should not be made fun of. Seriously, guys, this is not a joke.

Wimps are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues, but who doesn't these days? Wimps are the complete package, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Dog Days, and Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Cabin Fever, Peace.


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