Monday, December 12, 2011


The last thing you see before your computer is
broiled to death by an enemy hacker
Pale pimpled plump pathetic pesky punks, probably. Precisely speaking, they're light-skinned acne-ridden overweight loserish annoying punks, positively! Their sleek long fingers are totally adapted to Logitech® Keyboards. Their 'nads are totally adapted to shrivelling 100% of the time on their Officemax Acanthus Air Mesh Task Chairs. At their cool Silicon Valley offices, they don't need to dress in suits, it's casual Friday everyday, so go nude or be rude is protocol. At their cool Silicon Valley offices, you're allowed to bring your dogs to work, so it's not uncommon to find a hacker in his favorite color of dogskin. Reminder: the dogskin should be tightly stretched across one's body, lest ye trippe. After work, hang it up in a warm place to dry, lest it loose elasticity. Anyways, I wish he would cut his nails more often, because he scratched me across the back! He ain't gonna win any beauty contests but at least he looks cool. These hackers are programmed from birth to have bad eyes or no eyes, so expect goggles. A hacker must not be a girl, but may have juggs.

P3rs0na1ity & B3havi0ur
Hackers live with their big moms. Their fingers, previously described, interact with keyboards in a manner similar to that of Coldemort and his deathly hallowed wand. With one simple keystroke, say, "Caps Lock," they can obliviate your harddrive like Coldemort obliviated Ron and Harry and Hermione and Donby. Hackers can spread viruses into your bloodstream like Imhotep's deadly mummies. Sometimes, they will open up your computer tower disc drives and fill them with millions of tiny bugs. These cool gnats allow you to open thousands of browser windows filled with free porn and other nudes. But not all hackers are friendly. Some aren't. Some hackers eschew the computer entirely, opting for more primitive hacking tools such as axes and Jigsaws. With these they can hack you up. The only thing a hacker cannot hack is a woman's beautiful puss and its clit. First of all, it's already split. Second, the hacker struggles with intimacy plain and simple. Thirdly and lastly, the greatest turn-off for any woman is a well-executed computer hack. Once the code is compiled, the girl's tip goes dumb, won't say a word. 

Hackers are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesnt these days? Hackers are the complete package, bill gates, linus, and RIP, Peace.


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