Friday, August 5, 2011

Hairy Potter

Here's Hairy, or did you think this was a common furball? ;)
Can't really see him under all that goddamn hair. Bigfoot would be proud, or maybe ashamed to lose the contest of Hairiest Potter. No brush or comb could do justice to his beautiful luscious golden locks until he learned magic and got off the hair. Anyways, Hairy Potter is this one wizkid who looks like the acclaimed British starr Dan Radcliffe, except, well, with more hair! You're gonna want to sit down, because you won't believe some of these factoids. If you were to count the individual hairs on Hairy Potter the character's body, you would find very, very many -- an impossibly high number of human hairs. If, say, a computer were to process his hair into a computer database, you'd need a database larger than normal to accommodate the massive amount of unique hair files. The number of human hairs on Hairy Potter's young body is larger even than the number of snows on Mt. Everest. Not even the disciplined Buddhist monks who tend to the Mt. have ever counted even half of the snows -- must sherpas die trying? All they would have to do is count Hairy's fucking hairs, anyway.

Personality & Behaviour
The hairs begin to grow as deep as 2 cm under the skin, and, get this, they are made of the same material as your fingernails, assuming your fingernails are made of thin, oily human hairs. After that, provided the host gets the proper nutrients, the hairs have a long journey to go. They rupture the skin, bleeding as they go, with nary a care in the world. Luckily, the host's scabby appearance is great. Most people think it's fucking awesome. And anyway, growing pains are just part of life. Once your body has been engulfed with hair, it's time to find a position as a Hairy Potter. Unfortunately, there is but one. It's up to you now to carve your own niche in this habitat we call L.A.

Hairy Potter is actually a pretty great wizkid, he has some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Hairy Potter is the complete package, blonde, brunette, or nothin, Peace.


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