Little Leaguers

Here, batter, batter!

Special guest post by Vincent Johnson, of syncopatedimpressions.tumblr.com

Appearance
They are in the pizza parlor celebrating their victories. They have nicknames like Slugger, Lefty, Pee Wee, and John Wayne. They wear matching outfits so you know they are all about teamwork. They wear baseball caps because they play baseball. They are little leaguers.

Some people think that they are vampires because they have bats. This is just a common misconception. Another common misconception is softball, lol. It isn’t soft!

If you want to meet little leaguers, you need a minivan with a DVD player and DVDs, of course. Even if you only have seats for seven, you can probably fit a lot more. They are little, after all!

Personality & Behaviour
Little leaguers are ready to take one for the team. And by one, I mean a juice box. That’s why they ALWAYS have coolers. People really don’t drink juice boxes these days, but might makes right. And little leaguers are mighty. Another thing about little leaguers is they know it doesn’t matter if you win or lose, because everyone’s a champ! Sometimes, they have parades.

Review
Little leaguers are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn’t these days? Little leaguers are the complete package, strike one, strike two, and strike three you’re out, Peace!

SCORE
9/17

A Very Special Announcement

Congratulations!
Guest Year begins now!

-People Blog

Apologies

A man holding a coconut

Appearance
I'm sorry for everything, Alex, Ariel, my brother (but not mine) Jacob, Kostya, Ben, Peter, and Tack Haberdash. We have failed you all, here at PeopleCorp Headquarters. We lied to you. We lied as much as a man can lie, to his friend. This was supposed to be your great day, your time to shine. Unfortunately Staff meddled with your glory and now you have jack squat- a metric fuckton of zilch, a batshit crazy amount of "silch." I remember when I was like you, publishing guest posts on People Blogs. I wanted it all and I got it all and I still get it whenever I want. But I got too big for my britches and now each of my britches is soiled/ripped to shards. It's time to confess.

Personality & Behaviour
When you sent me that guest post the other day, I gave it one look and then I fed it to my partner. He fed on it for weeks, digested and shit out a new post. Maybe this is why you find People Blog so "corny!!" and so "ugly!!" not to mention straight up malicious. What I'm trying to say is that People Staff edited your posts w/out consulting you, the mastermind, and obtaining your express permission in writing. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I'm SO SORRY. Tomorrow I'll make it up to you, by starting afresh with a whole 'nother band of guests. We'll leave their shitty posts intact for the world to see on Google Chrome. Netscape users can join in on the fun as well, just hop in the time machine to 2008, jesus.

Anyways...

Review
Rip Steve Jobs NOW, or I'll do it.

SCORE
GUEST WEEK STARTING OCOTBER 99!

Robbers

Please help me against this robber

Appearance
Masked with a black mask and a striped shirt like your favorite type of xebra. The masque was originally developed by its creators to deal with skiing, but luckily for robbers the conditions in a robbable house are very similar, ie slopes, and there's also plenty of snow to steal for profit in there. Don't expect to actually see the robber though. They employ a special sort of "C.A.M.O" to cloak themselves to get your favorite jewels, gems and prizes. The "C.A.M.O" is that they slink across the floor like a sick snake slithering for your sums. Quick Tip: to prevent their "camouflage" from working, install snake charmers throughout the zone. Their weird alibaba shit instantly knocks them out and puts them right where they belong - behind bars. Robbers love to go to bars, where every drink is at their disposal, like Rum or even contemporary Buds and Pilsner Lights. Robbers look ugly under their masks but don't try to take it off because it hurts them and you'll need to apply your best salve to their tender spots. These topical ointments are generally sold in tubes but they should probably be called Oinkments because there's a pig there. Show a little love for these robbers... not everyone was prom king and queen in high school and so some people have to rob, so just fork it over already, and maybe when you pass a homeless man on the street, consider his feelings as you walk by, lying to him about whether you have change or even a dollar and then spitting on his dead body, already half buried in four days' worth of sleet, blood caked all over his reeking clothes and putrid privates (yuck); a yucky overflowing traschcan casts its sinister shadow over this corpse, preventing you from realizing that he is in fact covered in the footprints of us apathetic cityfolk. Be that as it may, a little white mouse nestles in his cool beard and the circle of life starts again.

Personality & Behaviour
Robsters, not lobsters, not snobsters, especially not jobsters, but probably snobsters in their own way, probsters. Syntax Error 9499. Ok, reconfigured our server netscapes. Let's get back to the post. Ugh, but I lost my place. Hold on, let me reread all this first. Ok, ready to write! Let's go! I once shoplifted from American Apparel. Plus I shoplifted a scent spray for my girl and I think that I know why robbers always look so pleased. Being able to satisfy your wife with gifts causes her to emit high-pitched sonic frequencies that look effing fantastic and, like an Opera singer addressing a wine glass, shatter your cock to the next level of pleasure. Now THAT'S a rob well done.

Review
Robbers are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Robbers are the complete package, Bernie Madoff, hamburglar, and Catch Me If You Can by Leonardo d'Caprio, Peace.

SCORE
17/17... Wait, weren't they originally allotted 15 pts.? Where did those 2 extra pts. come from? Oh man, we better check all of our posts. ah fuck, i can't believe they've done this

Bill Shakespeare

Shakespeare along with his lucky feather

Appearance

Ruffled ruffs. No it's not a dog, it's Bill Shakespeare! That, along with tights and a codpiece, are his Signature fashions. For example, if Bill Shakespeare were to wake up, say, and get dressed, he'd put on ruffled ruffs, along with tights and a codpiece, rathre than the trousres of present-day times. He had the unkempt white hair of a genius. When he walked down the street, onlookres were blinded by his strut but usually he did not strut- low confidence. Howevre, the days AFTRE he had written, say, a mastrepiece he was feeling pretty good and then he would go out to just strut it out. But on the days when he wrote flops, he'd just flop about, like a fish - halibut, out of watre. He had a fat face with hair on it. His chubby arms dangled feebly like lard-filled daggres. His waist had extra fat from the good food. Whenevre you think of him please remembre that he did NOT have a gym membreship to 24 or LA, where you can find People Blog staff for sure, flexing their guns and then swimming. No, no, he went to Bally's Total Fitness and Gold's Gym. The harmful combination of these two gyms may have cost him his health, but it is these gyms that inspired our greatest works of Books in time. These books contain the wondreful worlds, creepy creatures and inventive incantations of none othre than Bill Shakespeare, but more on that latre.

2 hours latre...

Personality & Behaviour

A mastre wordsmith, Bill Shakespeare invented almost 40 percent of the words in the English language. But in his own time, people hardly undrestood him when he spoke, considreing most of his words uttre gibbreish-talk. Latre, humans were able to deciphre his macaber lexicon and now we have mastrepieces to read. However, despite his strange mannre, Bill Shakespeare was actually a strange creep. His creepy tendencies such as Peeping Bill have been downplayed by historians around the globe-- because they're all just a bunch of sheeple, Bill the shepherd of this ungodly herd. Speaking of shepherds, Bill was an employee of Sbarros while he was young and trying to make it big. This is why most of his books feature Sbarros as the setting and as major charactres and plot points. Due to trademark issues most of these works have nevre been released and they were bettre than his othre works so that's a shame. Next time you want take-out pizza, considre Domino where they really cheese it up, plus sauce and whatevre else you want on a " 'zza ." 

Fun Facts About Billiam

1} He nevre did the same thing twice

2]  Heart problems

3-  He was a great champion of animals' rights to do whatevre they want

4> One thing an animal can do is jump, eat, swim, and joke

5)  For animals, these are forms of play

6.  Play was Shakespeare's favorite subject in school, that's why he wrote so many of 'em ;)

7* People Blog has been unable to secure more facts about Bill so why don't you the readre give it a try? Forward in an email any helpful tips, tricks, and secrets to PeopleBlog.com@hotmail.com, and we'll check our inbox for any favorable tips, tricks, secrets, etc, hoping for the best, yet also feeling sick.

Review

Bill Shakespeare was actually a pretty great guy, he had some personality issues but who didn't in those days? Bill Shakespeare was the complete package, double, double, toil and trouble, Peace.

SCORE
5/17 In honor of Shakespeare's favorite numbre 5.17

Sluts

A slut grinding on me right now

Appearance
Like a fine wine, a slut will have a very unbuttoned blouse and will be either red or white with a cork. Mazel tov. Their pussies are dripping wet, like wine or any other champagne you can think of, such as Andre Champagne for cheap. The fact that their pussy juice is carbonated is a major double-edged sword: ouch; yum. Tits are firm and supple but not without nips. The absence of nips on a hot slut basically means: "Nix that, she's not hot after all," you said to your wingman. "Thanks for helping me break the ice with this beautiful slut but my interests lie elsewhere." "See ya," said Wing. My friend Montgomery Wing always assists me with these kinds of things... Like he says, stop telling girls about the time when you couldn't get a girl so you had to go home. Instead, tell them about when you simply went home. This will plant a hypnotic suggestion inside their small puny brains, motivating them to eventually go home too, possibly with you if you have a guestroom. Anyways they look great and overall just really a babe, just ask her out man what's there to lose? Platinum blonde, with full red lips and eyes, hips like your dreams and ass like you cream when you jack it off. They don't have horrible dark bags under their eyes like those fucking tired girls. True princesses also have triple Ds- no straight As here bookworm. I'm referring to breasts- B. R. E ASTS that's the ticket!!!

Personality & Behaviour
Usually benign but you don' wanna bring her over to big momma's hou'. Sluts exhibit no behavior whatsoever. More properly, you'd say they exhibit misbehavior. Give a slut a cookie and you'll get a slut who won't be able to suk your dick during the time it takes to eat one. Sluts can't run but they can trip and fall next to monsters and then the monsters have their way which is the way of EATING you alive when you are vulnerable to them. Sluts also know the best places in the city to get laid by johns. If you ask a slut how to get laid, you'll get answers, I'll tell you that. The answer will be here's how, just put it in me when the time is right. -- Hold on a sec, I just realized something... Even high class women are sluts, in a way... Their husbands buy them dinner and nice houses, and then they get sex, just like men for sluts do. How shallow. How based. Men are just based gods, women their bases to camp the dick at. Don't you see? We have to do something about this vicious cycle that just eats sluts' pussies up and kicks those pussies to the side of the road, like pussy debris. Kill your TV- don't be brainwashed by Gilmore Girls or any of those other womanizing curb your enthusiasms. Tucker Max says to take the girls by the horns - boob horns that is!!! - but watch out for anal because you might have a hilarious poop related story on your hands to tell all your friends and your bestselling book and blog. Remember, sluts only want one thing and that one thing is her deepest desire since she was a girl.

Review
Sluts are actually pretty great gals, they have some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Sluts are the complete package, suck, fuck, you're in luck my friend, Peace.

SCORE
6/9

Javier Bardem

Jav and Pen swimming at their snooty, high
class vacation resort in Palm Sproings!

Appearance
He is a famous movie actor, so I'm sure you know what he looks like if you've ever been to the moving flicks. If you haven't seen" Untitled Terrence Malick Project (2012) "the newest upcoming Bardem raunchfest, then that's probably because your dad isn't a dues-paying member of the Screen Actors Guild who gets you into screenings of the latest Bardem raunchfests ;). Anyways, that means you don't know what he looks like so his description is as such: hair like your dad's worst nightmare -- ie black hair. Your dad is afraid of, shall we say, black hair!!! He looks like Homo Heidelbergensis, including the sloping fourhead, the sloping squatbones, and the cool spearheads. If he lived back in cave times, he would probably act in movies made from stones instead of the hi-tech camcorders of today- Nikon. Plus Biutiful would not have had as many contenders and therefore may have scraped a Tony for movies. Therefore, his giant face is not a total loss for us all. We haven't seen his peepee so no one knows what THAT looks like but we do know that Penne Cruz likes it so at the very least the peep matches her specific twat specifications.

Personality & Bejavier Bardem
                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
                    ^^^^^^^^^^^
                    ^^^^^^^^^
                    ^^^^^^^
                    ^^^^^
                    ^^^
                    ^
                    :)

Review
Javier Bardem is actually a pretty great guy, he has some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Javier Bardem is the complete package, eat, pray, love, Peace.

SCORE
17/17 Biutiful

Workers

"Aww but boss, do I HAVE to?" Michael, John
and Timothy chanted together in unison, as if in temple.
But a smile cracked upon Michael's face, and John
couldn't contain his mirth. It occurred to Timothy
that the joke might be at his expense, but he chose to ignore
 it, coming as it did from two dumb workers like himself.

Happy Labour Day from People Blog Staff. 

Appearance

Grimy like Skrillex, with a hardhat. Workers have muscles growing under their skin in every conceivable spot. Their calloused fingertips are a powerful tool for industry, and are useful for pointing, prodding, and stroking the products they create at the factory. With hands like these, it is understood that the worker actually has difficulty stroking It. Not to mention fingerfucks (in the puzzy (or tuzhy)). There is a strange expression out there called "Fingers like Sand, don't fingerfuck me," and I think that rings true for workers, cos when it comes to their wives, they love their wife. Anyways, the worker looks like a weathered Indian leatherface. Early on in your life, the workers you will encounter will be exclusively lunchladies but later they evolve into cool miners to get gold and ore. Once a miner has found enough gold, they are no longer workers, as they possess capital and thus they are part of a different socioeconomic class now.

Personality & Behaviour
There is a strange expression out there called "You are what you eat," but for a worker, it would be "work hard to achieve your true goals." Unfortunately, some workers get Fired. Don't ask. This cruel practice by bosses of burning their employees with the diss of Firing them (ouch) is gay and one of the main reasons why workers do "I Quit!" When a worker is treated well, expect the opposite: "I Stay!" They are very loyal and a good friends to all. Wetback workers are the best workers around. Take your worker of any ethnicity to a swimming pond and hold him by his front, slowly letting him dip back into the gently cooling waters. Allow his back to soak and moisten until it achieves a glistery shine. Now, your wetback fucking worker is ready to do cheap labor. The advantages of a wetback worker are twofold.

Unfortunately, workers are no longer with us anymore, as they've been replaced by machine labour. Industries such as lunch and mines have become infested by what scifi enthusiasts might term "bots" or "frightening bots." I wonder if the movie of Starwar ever thought of that!! Oh wait, that was only clones.

Review
Workers are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Workers are the complete package, all work, no play, that's work, Peace.

SCORE17/17

The Police

The highest jumping officer to date -- Deputy Shrawn

Appearance
Their muscular physiques are sheathed in bullet-proof police uniforms. Polished like steel, yet delicate as a police flower, The Police are true specimens of their kind. The glocks they carry look fierce, yet proper and lawful. The Police sport savory mustaches to camouflage with the gentlemen they have to hunt down. When necessary, these patrollers get cool glasses to beat the heat. In Cali, where I'm from, an additional sun visor is of course required. This gives them the appearance of this awesome guy, but watch out because they can apprehend you or even warn you to stop. Printed on the back of their uniform is a list of laws that you must obey. Fun Tip: If you want to avoid getting caught, just keep them from turning around to see their backs. The best way to do this is to tempt them with power. Recruit a powerful friend to flex in front of The Police so you can break your favorite law or rule.

Personality & Behaviour
Two cops to a car, no more, otherwise how can the car go so fast? Plus how to arrest? Prime directive 1 for law officers is to enforce laws which may involve arresting. Use any means at your disposal- including but not limited to cuffs, harsh language, and good cop bad cop. Good cop bad cop is a classic mind trick during which one cop is really great and the other one does his job poorly, like dropping his prison keys or forgetting his wife's anniversary [Please follow us on our FaceBook.com Page] again. Once this technique is executed, the soon-to-be jailbird admits it and gets booked, hard. They could even arrest the President, dude. Once the Pres is arrested by a lieutenant or Deputy Shrawn, our governors and mayors will be deactivated, paving the way for anarchy at last.

The Police have a firm grip and are good at obstacle courses... They can jump nearly as high as FBI agents, but in general prefer merely to patrol. Their aim is true. Their aim is blue. Their aim is... YOU! So if you want to stay safe, don't look directly into the gun. Like in speech class, look near the forehead of the gun if you're nervous. Remember, The Police are famed sticklers. They stickler this and that, and don't be surprised when you can't do your favorite crime. They tend to hate on even the gentlest of robbers and the coolest of rapers.

Police can only be arrested by Bigger Police. But I'll leave you with one last question... What if the Bigger Cops raped?

Review
The Police are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn't these days? The Police are the complete package, protect, serve, and conquer, Peace.

SCORE
16.314/17

Sleepyheads

WARNING: written under the influence of EXTREMELY HIGH DOSES of Sleep Feelings.

Appearance

Even DOG-Z67gamma294 can get the occasional
catnap in sometimes ;) Just don't overdo it

Sleepyheads have crusty eyes from frequent contact with sandmen. These scabbed scabies eyes help keep out the light. That's the plus side. The bad, yucky side is that their eyes are too gross to sleep, so the Sleepy will often resort to, let's just say... alternatives. Alternatives to sleep include lounging, napping, or catnaps, or even powernaps if maximum business is your true calling. Your average sleepyhead can be found in a variety of positions and colours, including Tall, Short, BIG, small, lying down with red eyes, and reclined: stripe. Sleepyheads droop like Sad Man, but don't confuse the two. Sleepies still have the wife to sleep with. Sad Men are just newfags. They do not feel sleepy, even though if they are very sad they might decide to suicide and sleep forever, for eternity infinitely. "To infinity and beyond," is the motto of many suicide enthusiasts like a famous toy.... Buzz Lightyear. There's a kernel of truth to that, but don't take it with a grain of salt, and if you do just throw it over your shoulder for bad luck prevention. It would be VERY bad luck if you sleepwalked off a cliff or sleeptalked your biggest crush, Jen, so knock on wood and we recommend Sleepytime Chameleon Type Tealeaves to munch on before bed.

Personality & Behaviour
When you enter a deep sleep, your biggest wishes come true in your dreams. Dreams are a sort of movie that play in your head, only now YOU'RE the star. Your wildest dreams will come true in your dreams, like flying power, radioactivity, man-made lakes, and all sorts of other X-Men you want to be, such as Wolferine or Professor X. There are 2 kinds of Specialty Dreams: lucid dreams and wet dreams, but let's just talk about wets first. During a wet, you visualize a stranger on a train alone with you in your compartment and she's only wearing one pair o' panties. Let me at 'er! The bra is very loose and easy to remove which is a relief because your hands are clammy and you don't even have any in this dream, she removes her own bra for you and then she takes it out and she sucks it. What's "it," you, the reader, ask? Nothing. It was all a dream. When you wake up, you've spilled water everywhere which is why it's so sticky with cum. THAT'S why people become Sleepyheads.

Review
Sleepyheads are actually pretty great guys, they have some personality issues but who doesn't these days? Sleepyheads are the complete package, 1 sheep, 2 sheep, zzzzzz, Peace.

SCORE
6/17